How Come?

I'm in a wondering mood today.

Why would anyone buy a "one size fits all" unless it's a pup tent?

Why would the manufacturer put "tear here" on a product that won't open without cutting it with scissors or a knife?

Why would you get sick immediately after you resolve to start exercising? Is it a conspiracy?

Why would you make a cough drop that tastes so vile that you are afraid to cough for fear of having to take another one?

Why would you agree to go home to see mom when you know she will make all your favorite fattening foods and you know that your sister who just lost 60 pounds will be there too? How much humiliation can one person take? Talk about two extremes ......I can hear the conversation now.

Mom: I knew you were coming so I baked a pie, a cake, killed the fatted calf and loaded the refrig with every conceivable item you have ever liked and if you love me you'll clean your plate! I did all this just because I love you and you know I'm old and won't be around forever to see you enjoy the things I made for you. Eat up darling!

Sis: Don't I look great? Don't you wish you were me? Did you see my cute clothes that I can wear now? Did I tell you I'm off all medications now? Did I tell you I plan to run a marathon, climb Pike's Peak, and go swimming in the Amazon? Did I tell you how much energy I have now? Did you admire me sufficently? Don't you wish you had the discipline that I do? (etc. etc.)

Me: (Ever the people pleaser) Looks great mom. You certainly outdid yourself. I'm sure Mr. Wonderful and brother-in-law will make short work of (you fill in the blank). I sure want to taste (fill in the blank) a little later. Thank you for all the love you are pouring out on me....Why look, here's my favorite "Heart attack on a plate" how thoughtful of you.

Me: ( to older sister) Yes sister dearest, you are certainly a vision of loveliness. I bow at your feet. You, who have always led the way, blazed the path, been the source of hope and inspiration as well as mom's favorite child. Thank you for acknowledging my lowly presence with your graciousness. I am so glad you excel in all these areas due to your great persistence and discipline (bet the stomach banding helped too.) Thank you for smiling down on this lowly grasshopper....May you live forever! The delight and wonder of my eyes!

Well, maybe it won't happen exactly that way, but it will to my weigh of thinking.

Daisy Dilemma: Is there a graceful way of not offending the two extremes in my life?